After grappling about this with myself for a while, and also since I have been insisted by friends more than once to make a post about something that happened to me, I finally submitted to myself that the following post could be considered serious gyaan! My sincere apologies to those who don't think so.

Whether you are all alone in a discotheque or there's a whole gang of friends gyrating and grooving all around you, the risk of being picked up is just the same. In the age of modern thought one might consider himself or herself quite the picker, and the art of picking very adventurous and ego-boosting... I must admit that it is this particular end of the game that must be quite exhilirating. The dread is not at being the picker, nay! It is the constant fear of being picked that has started to haunt me. To prevent one from thinking that I am (to put it informally) full of either myself or IT, I should clearly outline a classification of pickees and pickers that I came up with. Discussed with the male in mind, it is left as an excercise for the reader to examine whether an analogue for women exists:

1. The first and topmost class would be the that of 'da man'. The guy who's got the right looks, the right moves, and measures just about right on most social metrics. This guy is either a) never hit on because no girl thinks she can match up to him b) plays the picker before he is picked so he gets to choose instead of being chosen c) gets hit on by so many girls that its no fun for him anyway!
2. The second and most woeful class is the just-above-average guy. Decent sense of style, manages to either stay or look fairly clean, can atleast move his hips without looking stupid or excessively cheap. Has a maximum of 2 brands on him at a time. This is the guy we all would be satisfied being. Beware though, this is the least satisfying of the classes! As a picker, he either tries and fails at picking up girls hopelessly above his league or rarely manages to pick up girls he regrets picking up mintues later. As a pickee, his life is plagued. No girl in his or a higher league would ever approach him, and the one rare time he does get picked, it's by a girl he wouldn't like being caught being in the same province with!
3. The lowest and happiest class - the nerds, the weirdos, the geeks, the junkies, the goths. Either they don't care, have lost hopes, or are in a delusional warped world all of their own where they are hit on by grotesquely deformed but oddly terribly alluring green goblins... with toejam.

Assuming that most of my readership (indeed, all 3) belongs to class 2 (a person in any other class is seldom worried about matters like these), it is necessary for me to elaborate on WHY class 2 is the worst of the lot. I will then conclude with a few tips I have learnt the hard way to avoid being picked up in a disc.

We are all not born equal. Class 2 was something God came up with just to make Class 1 feel good about itself. A good explanation of why Class 3 is around is yet to be though of. One would argue world progress and breaking of scientific barriers and all that... but come on, it's not a good enough excuse. Class 3 is atleast happy. Class 2 is condemned to mediocrity. Class 2 will watch Class 1 take all the Class 1 and Class 2 girls, leave the mentally imbalanced Class 3 behind. The picker-pickee choice is toughest in Class 2. Do we become active pickers finding much rejection and little succes? Or do we choose the passive role, fearing rejection so much that we choose instead to wait for an elusive princess charming to approach us all by herself? Yes, Class 2 is the lowest of the low and I have to admit - I'm bang in the middle of it. And here's the truth - most of Class 2 decides to be a pickee - passing stares and smiles to cute girls all day with little luck...

So here are my tips on being a Class 2 pickee. Remember that your primary fear is being picked on by the ugly chick. It often overrides your primary function, i.e. being picked:

1. The basic idea here is to avoid all eye contact with all girls at all times. The reason is simple. Class 1 girls will either ignore you if they are nice or will show you a finger if they aren't. Class 2 girls are almost always booked - their boyfriends will show you a finger if they are nice. Class 3 girls generally are squint, and wouldn't be able to return your stare even if they wanted to!
2. When an ugly chick comes alone into your group during a dance, she is most certainly after YOU! Your friends are always spared. It is YOU she's after... just because she's ugly! Don't have doubts about this - it pays to take a conservative stance. Avoid all contact, fake a shoulder dislocation or simply kiss the guy next to you on the lips. It's a desperate situation.
3. Never ever leave the group for any reason whatsoever. Safety in numbers, that's the thing. The friends you lived in solidarity with will trickle away at the slightest chance - leering and sniggering from a safe distance... or in a bomb shelter.
4. When asked for a ball dance, DO NOT use the tempo of the music as an excuse - it will not work. The chick will ball dance to 'My Name is Lakkhan' for all she cares. Take this very seriously. I ain't just talkin'.
5. When her fingers start trembling when she's holding your hand, it's time to raise the alarm. The least chivalrous way would be to scream fire and run for your life. A better way would be to clunk her over the head with something sufficiently hard.
6. Finally, do not exchange email ids or phone numbers. Else, you're in a world of pain.

In conclusion, I'd like to admit this was all for a good laugh. I really admire the unseen protagonist of this post - for her courage, for her attitude, and simply because she was a nice person and considered me worthy enough to be picked. And yes, she gave me a very wonderful evening indeed!